It is Well With my Soul

Coming home those first couple of weeks was a bumpy ride. I was perplexed because there was no where else I wanted to be than home with my family yet I struggled to do life with my family.

About a week and a half ago I had a moment when I realized why I was so challenged; I was looking at the struggle rather than at God.

You see, in Boston my eyes were focused on God. I trusted God with the outcome of my body and asked daily to be used as a vessel for love during my time there. I firmly believed that if God put me in Boston there was a reason for it. My hope daily was to be a light of His love in that new space; from creating relationships with YMCA, hotel and hospital staff, to handing out gift cards to those in need and even one day being approached by a homeless couple on the street who asked me to pray with them, every day my eyes were on God and my purpose was to live out love wherever it was needed.

Even on the weekends when I came home, my eyes were focused on my family and the joy of being with them. My other Mom responsibilities were what they were and I did them without a second thought.

Fast forward to coming home, I spent time with God and my family but I realize now that I was focused on the struggle of "how do I do my Mom thing again?" How do I get my prayer time in when I wake up after the kids? How do I do the dishes, laundry, cook meals, and balance it out with spending quality time with the kids and down time for myself? etc...

After a couple weeks of focusing the struggle I read a verse in Matthew that became my meditation to help me get back on track.

"The eye is a lamp to the body, if your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. If your eyes are unhealthy, your body will be full of darkness." - Matthew 6:22

When I came home my eyes were focused on the struggle and therefore I was struggling within. Yes, cancer is a struggle yet day to day life can be a struggle too. One isn't more than the other, a struggle is a struggle. 

Since meditating on this verse I have been really mindful of putting my eyes back on God and trusting Him to guide me through my days, like I did in Boston.  

God has me back at home with my family, and therefore He has a purpose for me here, as a wife and a Mom. Like in Boston, my hope to be a vessel of love throughout my day, starting within our home. I am doing what is mine to do but God is showing me that I don't have to do it all. My kids are capable and competent to help with a number of responsibilities around the house so I am delegating more. It helps me now and will help them in the long run. I am finding more balance and getting some quality time in with my kids but also some down time for myself. As for writing, I am still figuring out when to weave it in. I too am trusting that in God's hands.

My eyes are back on God, I have more peace within and I am so grateful🙏

I am sharing this because I know I am not the only one who struggles. If you find yourself focusing your eyes on your struggle like I was, I want to encourage you to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray. 

And put your eyes on God.  

What does that mean?

Wherever you are, in the car, at work, or on the beach, God is with you. You don't need a church building to be with God. Just take a moment to be still with God in the silence of your heart.

Talk openly and honestly.  

Ask for His help and guidance.  

Be patient.  

Listen.  

Trust you will be guided on the path to peace.

And if silence isn't your thing try mediating on the verse from Matthew above. Repeating it over and over and over again.
Know if your eyes need to shift off your struggle, be intentional and directional focusing them on the blessings around you...and if that is hard, start with the blessing that you are here and breathing which means God has a purpose for you today.

Focusing your eyes on God will not only change your perspective, it will change your heart.  

I speak from experience.

May our eyes be healthy and our bodies be full of light💗🙏💗

With love and hope,
Shawn