When I heard the ENT say they thought it was cancer, he held my hand.
As the tears came flooding like a broken dam, he held my hand.
In the waiting room for every scan and test, he held my hand.
As we walked the path to and from the hospital, he held my hand.
Sitting on the couch, anxious as could be the night before surgery, he held my hand.
Driving to the hospital in the early morning as I played my calming music, he held my hand.
As I lay on the hospital bed ready to go in for surgery, he held my hand.
When I woke up a nurse went to get him so he could be beside me, holding my hand.
When I had an issue on day one post-op and I sat there crying in pain like I never had experienced before, he held my hand.
During the day he was there and at night he slept uncomfortably on chairs in case I needed his hand to hold.
We are waiting for the next step and although I don't know what it will be like I do know he will be there to hold my hand through it.
He is present. He is patient. He is kind. He is selfless. He is humble. He is never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.
He is love.
When I first wrote this I was writing about Stephen and what a blessing he has been for me, and our children, through this journey.
When I went back and read it again I realized he wasn't the only one holding my hand along the way, God has been holding my hand through this too.
Often it is people we seek comfort in and I can't be more grateful that God uses Stephen every day as a vessel of His love (I am sure he will laugh reading that!) but it's true. The way he loves me reflects the selfless love God has for each of us.
Yet people can't always be always there. In surgery for example, Stephen wasn't there but I knew God was with me, holding my hand.
God wants to be there beside us every step of the way, everyday. I share this in case you too are going through a trial. Maybe you have someone to hold your hand, maybe you don't. Either way I offer to you to always remember you are never alone.
Take a moment to...
Pause. Breathe. Pray.
Trust God is there beside you. Reach out. He is waiting to hold your hand through this...
"For I am God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." - Isaiah 41:13